


Revenge of the Assistant

by littlebrother



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/F, Humor, I think I'm funnier than I actually am, Jess the secretary - Freeform, Smug Lena, SuperCorp, What am I doing, crackfic, jess is the world's greatest assistant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 14:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10220111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebrother/pseuds/littlebrother
Summary: Jess exacts her revenge on that job-stealing Alana and reclaims her rightful position as captain of the Supercorp ship.Aka Laura envisions what the heck happened to Jess in Exodus.





	

Everything was dark. The air smelled sterile, and the only sound was the steady drip of an air conditioner that was set far too low.

All Jess could think about was how many meetings she had to reschedule.

There was no way of knowing how long she’d been there. The only method she had of tracking time was her captor’s daily appearance during which she was brought food and water.

Always with that blinking light. 

The blinking light that belonged to the Bluetooth headset that was rightfully hers.

It floated above her, taunting her.

One day—or was it evening—the door to her small room slammed open.

“How do you do it? That woman is impossible!” her captor snapped.

Jess pushed herself up from the bed to which her wrist was chained and was quiet, listening intently.

“I had to rearrange her meeting with R&D _four_ times just so she could get matcha lattes with that infuriating Kara Danvers! What the heck even _is_ matcha?” Jess’s captor paced back and forth, clearly venting more for herself than actually asking, but Jess took in every word. It sounded like Miss Luthor and Miss Danvers were doing well, which was a huge relief.

Her captor continued, putting on a voice that was clearly meant to mimic Miss Luthor’s—it was an insult, truly.

“’Alana, can you get me the latest issue of CatCo magazine?’, ‘Alana, go get me ten years’ worth of files so I can help Kara with some story’, ‘Alana, buy every plumeria in the city’.” Jess’s captor, who, as it turned out, was named Alana, gave an exasperated groan. “Where do you even _find_ plumerias?”

“The Secret Garden on Sixth Street has them, but sometimes they’re out so you have to go to Chester House on Liberty Avenue. They’re further away, but they have the most exquisite colours—“

“We get it,” Alana snapped, irritated. “You’re the world’s greatest assistant.” 

Jess twisted her lips into a frown and watched as Alana busied herself pouring water into a bottle for her and arranged a meagre meal on a tray.

“Lillian had better be grateful for all the crap I’ve had to put up with,” Alana muttered. “Though if she’s anything like her daughter, she probably won’t be.” 

“Don’t you dare talk about Miss Luthor like that. Being her assistant is an honour and a privilege,” Jess seethed, unable to help herself.

Alana scoffed. “Please. You have no idea what true power is until you’ve served a real Luthor. It’s only a matter of time before I’m at her side again. Tonight can’t come soon enough,” she murmured to herself, not realising she had given Jess a critical piece of information.

Something was coming. Jess had to escape tonight.

When Alana left, Jess examined the resources she had at her disposal. All she had was her meal: a plastic cup of water, and a tray with an apple, some bread, and a pad of butter.

Butter.

She’d watched enough crappy action movies with her roommate to believe that could work.

She picked up the butter and lubricated the rings of the cuffs and her hands, smirking satisfactorily as she was able to move her hands slightly more freely than she had in days. It took hours, and by the time she slipped free, her hands were red and raw and throbbing.

Those were her typing hands. That job-stealing phony was going to pay.

Jess burst out of the room in which she had been imprisoned and stared around, trying to get her bearings. It didn’t take long for her to recognise where she was. She’d inadvertently walked in on Lena pressing Kara Danvers up against the wall in this very corridor.

As much as they liked to think they were very sneaky about keeping their relationship hidden, nothing got past Jess when it came to Miss Luthor. Besides, they really weren’t sneaky at all; they practically undressed each other with their eyes any time they were in a room together.

Jess sprinted down the hallway to the elevator and rode it up to her office, her heart pounding with adrenaline and fear. What if she was too late? After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator finally reached the top floor.

When Jess stepped out, she saw that despicable Alana woman standing with her back turned, gazing intently into Miss Luthor’s office. She had a gun, but Jess had fury on her side.

Silently, she picked up a vase from beside the elevator and crept up behind Alana. In the reflection of the window, Jess saw Alana’s eyes widen in alarm, but it was too late, as Jess brought the vase down on her head with a loud crash.

Alana slumped down on the floor immediately, and Jess stood over her with a victorious smirk. The Bluetooth headset blinked up at her, and she bent down to retrieve it then returned it to it’s rightful place over her ear.

“No one touches Miss Luthor’s schedule except _me_ ,” she seethed.

It was then that she heard the scream. She would recognise that voice anywhere—it was Miss Luthor.

Jess’s stomach lurched into her throat and she burst into Miss Luthor’s office to see two black-clad men staring over the balcony, and…no Miss Luthor.

“Miss Luthor!” Jess cried, not even caring that she was alerting the men to her presence.

She couldn’t believe it. Seeing Miss Luthor’s face again was the only thing that kept her going while she had been kidnapped. She didn’t know how she was going to break the news to Kara Danvers—she was going to be devastated. A lump rose in Jess’s throat. They still had so much work to accomplish together.

But then—

“Dropped something?”

Jess’s eyes snapped up at the sound and she looked out the window to see Supergirl rising from below, cradling Miss Luthor in her arms. The Kryptonian’s eyes were ablaze, and Jess’s boss looked _pissed_.

Supergirl drew in a breath and showered the henchmen with an icy blast before touching down on the balcony. Jess ran out just as Lena slipped out of Supergirl’s arms.

“Jess!” Lena exclaimed with surprise upon seeing her. “You’re back from Jamaica?”

“Jamaica?” Jess blinked in confusion, screwing her nose up. “Miss Luthor, I was kidnapped! Didn’t anyone notice I’ve been gone for, like, a week?” 

“I thought you were on holiday. Alana said—ah yes, I see now, Alana is a traitor, that makes sense,” Lena realised, tutting her tongue against her teeth. “I did think it strange that you left. Honestly, you’re a bit of a workaholic, Jess. And that’s coming from me!” 

Jess blinked and stared at Miss Luthor in disbelief. It was then that she noticed her arm was intertwined with Supergirl’s and she was gazing at her with total heart eyes, usually reserved only for Kara Danvers.

“I don’t understand, you—and her—I thought—what about Kara, miss Luthor? You know, your girlfriend?“ Jess stammered.

Lena’s eyes flashed with a grin. “I have a feeling Miss Danvers won’t mind. Do you, Kara?” she asked, angling her chin up to look at Supergirl. She wore a self-satisfied grin that Jess had seen many times before, particularly when Lena outsmarted businessmen in boardroom meetings. Which happened often.

Supergirl balked at Lena. “How did you know?” she sputtered.

Lena rolled her eyes. “Please, Kara. I’m a technological genius, the CEO of a fortune 500 company, and an international chess champion. Don’t think a pair of glasses and your paper-thin excuses would have been enough to keep me in the dark for too long. Besides, darling, you’re a terrible liar,” she said with a smirk. She extended upwards on her toes and kissed Supergirl’s cheek. “Though it was cute to let you think you were getting away with it. Come on, now. My mother isn’t going to catch herself.”

Supergirl’s mouth dropped open and a blush spread from her neck to the tips of her ears as she watched Lena head back inside. She quickly swallowed her disbelief and shook her head, jogging a few steps to catch up to her girlfriend.

Lena stepped over one of the henchmen who laid crumpled on the floor. “I tazed that guy.”

“Proud of you, babe.”

Jess watched, mouth agape, as Supergirl aka Kara Danvers slipped her arm around Miss Luthor’s waist.

“Oh, Jess?” Miss Luthor spoke over her shoulder before the pair left the room. “It goes without saying that this stays between us.”

“O-of course. I would never—“

“I know,” Lena said with a smile. “Take the rest of the week off. You’ve been through a lot; you deserve a holiday. A real one this time.”

“I think I’d rather get back to work, if you don’t mind, Miss Luthor. 

Lena smiled fondly. “Of course. I’m glad to have you back, Jess.”

Supergirl nudged Lena gently and tilted her head to the door insistently. Lena nodded and called back just before they left: “remind me to give you a raise!”

Jess smiled and turned to face her desk—her sanctuary. She ran her finger over her keyboard, her desk plant, her penholder, and moved them ever so slightly so they were in just the right position. She settled herself down in her chair and flexed her fingers over her keyboard.

She had a schedule to manage.

**Author's Note:**

> But seriously does anyone know what happened to Jess?  
> Wrote this taking a quick break from my other fic, I hope someone found this humorous?? Or not, it's out there now lmao.


End file.
